Konfess My Forgiveness

Well, I haven't been blogging lately and for that I apologize, however, a very specific topic came to mind today and that is: forgiveness. I decided to write about my experience on forgiving hoping that it can save just one person today.

Those of you who know me, know that I have had quite a tremendous number of relationships. Growing up I have never had a "good" relationship with my father or my brother. I am the third out of five children, therefore, many emotional needs were neglected due to the need of nourishing the other children. Nonetheless, I got into many relationships because I had to fill that void of male emptiness. One my first (and longest) relationships was with this guy was quite experience. He was smart, kind of not cute, but he was really sweet. He had been through so much in his life, and of course the African-American woman in me felt the need to nurture him and unbeknown to me I was mistaking that care for being in love. At the age of 16 he asked me to marry him and I agreed. He was on his way to the military and I thought this was a wonderful idea, however tragedy broke again! Long story short, not only did he participate in homosexual activities, but engaged in these activities with those whom I was very close with. At this time in my life this was one of the hardest things for me to cope with (along with other familial problems) as well as forget about. I thought there was something wrong with me because I attracted this weirdo.
So, just a quick recap at the RIPE age of 17 I had: been verbally abused by my brother, pretty much ignored by father, betrayed by my "fiance"... Um, so to say the least, I was a bit disgruntled.

So forgiveness was something I was not trying to hear. I was trying to forget everything I was taught in church. I wasn't trying to comprehend that this was a "milestone". I was not trying to hear that God cared about me. Then it was like an epiphany, I realized each time I saw this "clown" or any other male I decided to let into my life, they had so much power over me. I would start liking guys that were not even mentally where I was. I started becoming bitter and mean and rude. I started hiding my intellectual stimulation and SETTLING for physical stimulation. I started looking for any nook and cranny I could find to make me think I had control and had power over something. The one thing I remembered to find solace in was Music and Performing. This was the one arc that I could labor under and seemed unaffected by what was happening in my world around me. As soon as I found this peace, I then unveiled the most powerful attributes known to men: FORGIVENESS!

With this very aspect, I saw that I gradually took back my power. I re-established who I was and the importance of my life. I realized that I hadn't been perfect and neither had anyone else. I forgave myself. I forgave them, and then healing had begun. I often times try to lead a life that can be described as pleasing to the Lord. Again, I am not perfect! However, I have come to the conclusion that I can live a life with hints of perfection. As I reference back to the Bible and even to life experiences I grow disappointed in myself. How dare I even have the audacity to hold these grudges against others when God never held a grudge against me. He gave the one son He had to die for me so I could live forever and I thought I was too cute to forgive! PSH! Give me a break!

In conclusion, whether you have been molested, raped, verbally or physically abused, cheated on, accused of something, FORGIVE! I'm not suggesting forgetting (because forgetting tends to allow history to repeat itself) but you must forgive and let it go. You give your enemy so much power when you hold on to things while they are sleeping peacefully! Let it go!

Hope this has helped!

Phirst Konfession

So, this is my first time trying this blogging thing, so I guess its more of a online journal right? Well, I just decided that I want it to be an online journal/advice column/testimony service all in one. Tonite I was watching the game and I came to the conclusion that I really love basketball! Often times girls try to adapt their lifestyle to fit some dude that they're talking to but I really love basketball! In addition, I was watching GLEE, which is the ultimate show for just about anyone! This show has made me dream like never before! I have, however, come to the conclusion that there is a strong possibility that I will not make it on the show and make it to Broadway! I am not giving up on my dream, but I am coming to the conclusion that I really do not have the drive to push my way through the seems. In addition, I want to continue to teach music but as far as vocal longevity, I am not sure if I can make it!

Any who, I am on twitter (@misserica13) and the trending topic was: I do not support, therefore, I decided to blog about all those things in which I do not support.

1. I do not support clowns or clown like behavior. What I mean by this is, I don't have time for fools or those that participate in foolish/wreck less behavior. For example, if you get drunk every other day that would classify you as a fool! Its not cute and furthermore your breath is probably on 1,000 and your liver is probably cursing you out. It's not the business!

2. I do not support obnoxious/crude/stuck up persons. Every one's boo boo probably has the same level of stink so why you think you are completely different baffles me. There is always someone bigger and more bad than you so chill out!

3. I do not support DL dudes. Now this is something that will probably be enclosed on this blog often, due to the fact that I have been in this predicament too many times. I understand I am a pretty girl, but I do not appreciate being a cover girl. Please, oh please, understand that it is okay for you to be who you are, but no one has time for you to be spreading diseases all over the place because you are embarrassed. Honey, own who you are and keep it moving!

4. I do not support those persons who are obsessed and over advocates for natural hair. As I suggest to everyone, do what you feel most comfortable with and what you think is best for your hair. I can not tell you what I do for my hair because my hair is different than your hair, therefore my remedies for my hair will not work if your hair resembles sheep skin!

5. I do not support ignorance. As many of you may not know I earned a Bachelor of Science in Music Education, and education is an incredibly important thing to me. I do not agree with it taking people 1,908 years to receive their Undergraduate degree, especially if you are in school full time. Please tell me why I have seen people in the cafeteria more than in my classes. Then when you do come to class you're texting and flirting then you want to Facebook me and ask when out 5 page paper is due? You're just dumb! Please stop!

6. Finally, I do not support young people being "called to the ministry" just to stay saved. I can not even count on all my fingers and toes how many persons I have encountered who got saved and literally a week later they were called to be a preacher! How is that possible if you can not distinguish between to, too and two? How is that possible when persons can't distinguish if you are a member or a visitor? How is that possible when you have to turn back to the glossary to see the order of the books of the Bible! You think Job is a book talking about job descriptions! SMH!

Anyways, this blogging thing is pretty cool! I am quite the outspoken one, so people may want to caution themselves before reading it. Most of this is for comedic relief but these are opinions that are near and dear to me heart, so come along with me on this journey as I konfess!