So, as mentioned in one of my tweets (follow me, @misserica13) , I was going to blog about my recent choice to date African-American men as well as men outside of my race. There are a few reasons as to why I have chosen this, and they are as follows:
1. Black men are so afraid of anything and everything that it transfigures into pride issues. For example, the word committment: they are so scared of commitment it's not even funny. I can not tell you how many times I have heard "I'm just not ready to committ". That's some mess. You can committ to anything you want to, you're just afraid that you won't be man enough to admit that you're not perfect! That's all to it. In addition, they have all this pride of what other people will think if they're tied down. Guess what? NO ONE CARES! I think you will actually be praised for committing versus just banging and going.
2. Black men are always willing to stand in a line for anything free/cheap and easy. It's almost as if African-American men have a welfare mentality. They are not willing to work to get a woman. They do not want a woman to feel as powerful as they are so they get what's easier... another woman of another race. For example, all these doggone reality shows about athletes and entertainers who are obviously more attracted to lighter skinned women, especially Latino and Caucasian and shy away from our beautiful brown/darker brown skinned African-Americans.
Now I am not making inference that one race is better than another to date/be with but I think if we're going to open the can of the dating realm, why not open it to everyone? Well, I'll tell you, the black woman's image has been SLAUGHTERED by everyone. From the "hood-rat"/ghetto mentality to the single parenthood to the "Angry Black woman" persona and guess what? at times it's true but it's because we don't have a nation of strong black men to lead us. Society is looking at us and saying, "Well if you don't want your own, why would want them?"
Let's get biblical for a moment: When God created Adam, Adam didn't need any help. GOD saw fit to bring Eve to Adam to keep him company, which is where the word companion derives from. Genesis 2:19 begins to talk about how God put Adam to sleep to PULL OUT or BRING him a wife from his own flesh, so guess what we need back in our community, we need OUR men to build themselves strong enough that women can evolve from what they are on the inside.
Now, please, please, please, please do not assume that I am categorizing all people (black men) in the same section however if an observation is made frequently, than that is how statistics are born. There are some black men who are secure, intelligent, fun and ready to be husband material who do want black women but there are many more who are not. Now, I could sit here and complain about all the horrible things that black men are and never do anything to help improve OUR society. I think it is our responsibility to consistently build up the black man instead of breaking him down, but it is important that we state the obvious and then make moves for progression.
Anyways, long story short I have decided instead of being miserable and wait for some African-American man to treat me right, I will date men of other cultural differences. As a matter of fact, instead of me trying to correct the men, I'll worry about MY side of the world and continue to empower woman to step outside the box. It's okay to be different and it's okay to date people of a different nationality. My power to you!
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
Koin Toss: Yes or No
Here's the thing, I have come to understand that sex messes up everything, even THOUGHTS of sex. So here's my story:
Each and every relationship I have had has been centered or focused around sexuality, so the question I pose is why? If I had a dollar for every time I have heard "I really want to do it to you but I'm not looking for anything serious because I just got out of a bad relationship" I grow worried. Let me say this, I have never met a woman like me and my goodness if I am not pleased with who I am then no one else will be. I am the bomb.com.
Let me list my credentials for those of you who don't know: I am a recent CUM LAUDE graduate from Winston-Salem State University with a Bachelor of Science in Music Education. In addition, I am a current entrepreneur attempting to start my own company eventually leading into me having my own Performing Arts Magnet School: FYOV (Find Your Own Voice). Also, I am an incredibly large advocate for the system of education. I am running for a senate position of Young Education Professionals Association. So, the least to say: IM ACCCOMPLISHED! Not to mention, I am a full time dorm director as well as a full time graduate student to earn my Masters of Education in Counselor Education. SN: I'm a 5' 1", pretty African American woman with pretty, wavy dark brown hair! :-)
Its time for women to take a stand and not give these little boys what they have been asking for. I currently just got out of a situation where I was the side line chick. As emotionally attached to him, you would have assumed I was the main chick and I wasn't. Every four months I would ask him "Where is this going?" and what did I get a lame excuse and DISTANCE. He said he was still trying to get through the mess with his last girlfriend (mind you she was a jumpoff and had obviously moved on). I now have come to the realization that all of these emotional ties have to do with my lack of security in myself. Who doesn't like to be cuddled with someone when its cold? Who doesn't like to have someone to text/call at important times or even when you're bored.
My question now is, will you KONTINUE to settle? Yes or No. Look, my answer is no. I may have to wait until I am 30 years old for someone to find me, but the word of God declares that "They that wait on the Lord, shall renew their strength. They shall mount on eagles wings". Then Numbers 9:8 reminds us to wait on the Lord's commandments for direction, so once again, I have come to the conclusion that whether its strength you're waiting for, a man, a new house, a new car, direction, fasting anything you need, just be patient and wait. Now, many times you all know that when I write these things, its for me and this is KOMPLETELY for me. God has been working on my patience for the past 5 years and I think now I get it. And if there are any men reading this blog, please understand that if you are 21 years old or older and you're still begging for "it" you're lame and you should start kicking rocks with absolutely NO SOCKS! Stop being a jerk and taking advantage of our beautiful women. If you know you don't want anything but sex keep it 100 and tell them. There are tons of jump-offs who willingly give those services FREE of charge. Be different if at all possible. I know it's hard for you to really have your own mind, but I promise if you try really hard it'll happen. I don't understand how yall tweet or write fb status dedicated to your mother when you can't even treat other women half as decent! Get it TOGETHA!!
I don't know about you but I'm tired of living life on the edge and tip-toeing around men that are not even for me. Now, I could stand here and go all the way off on my Christian soap box but we all have to get on the same page in the natural to superceed in the spiritual. Baby steps together! So, in this process lets Keep Konfessing to stay Kurrent! LOL!
Each and every relationship I have had has been centered or focused around sexuality, so the question I pose is why? If I had a dollar for every time I have heard "I really want to do it to you but I'm not looking for anything serious because I just got out of a bad relationship" I grow worried. Let me say this, I have never met a woman like me and my goodness if I am not pleased with who I am then no one else will be. I am the bomb.com.
Let me list my credentials for those of you who don't know: I am a recent CUM LAUDE graduate from Winston-Salem State University with a Bachelor of Science in Music Education. In addition, I am a current entrepreneur attempting to start my own company eventually leading into me having my own Performing Arts Magnet School: FYOV (Find Your Own Voice). Also, I am an incredibly large advocate for the system of education. I am running for a senate position of Young Education Professionals Association. So, the least to say: IM ACCCOMPLISHED! Not to mention, I am a full time dorm director as well as a full time graduate student to earn my Masters of Education in Counselor Education. SN: I'm a 5' 1", pretty African American woman with pretty, wavy dark brown hair! :-)
Its time for women to take a stand and not give these little boys what they have been asking for. I currently just got out of a situation where I was the side line chick. As emotionally attached to him, you would have assumed I was the main chick and I wasn't. Every four months I would ask him "Where is this going?" and what did I get a lame excuse and DISTANCE. He said he was still trying to get through the mess with his last girlfriend (mind you she was a jumpoff and had obviously moved on). I now have come to the realization that all of these emotional ties have to do with my lack of security in myself. Who doesn't like to be cuddled with someone when its cold? Who doesn't like to have someone to text/call at important times or even when you're bored.
My question now is, will you KONTINUE to settle? Yes or No. Look, my answer is no. I may have to wait until I am 30 years old for someone to find me, but the word of God declares that "They that wait on the Lord, shall renew their strength. They shall mount on eagles wings". Then Numbers 9:8 reminds us to wait on the Lord's commandments for direction, so once again, I have come to the conclusion that whether its strength you're waiting for, a man, a new house, a new car, direction, fasting anything you need, just be patient and wait. Now, many times you all know that when I write these things, its for me and this is KOMPLETELY for me. God has been working on my patience for the past 5 years and I think now I get it. And if there are any men reading this blog, please understand that if you are 21 years old or older and you're still begging for "it" you're lame and you should start kicking rocks with absolutely NO SOCKS! Stop being a jerk and taking advantage of our beautiful women. If you know you don't want anything but sex keep it 100 and tell them. There are tons of jump-offs who willingly give those services FREE of charge. Be different if at all possible. I know it's hard for you to really have your own mind, but I promise if you try really hard it'll happen. I don't understand how yall tweet or write fb status dedicated to your mother when you can't even treat other women half as decent! Get it TOGETHA!!
I don't know about you but I'm tired of living life on the edge and tip-toeing around men that are not even for me. Now, I could stand here and go all the way off on my Christian soap box but we all have to get on the same page in the natural to superceed in the spiritual. Baby steps together! So, in this process lets Keep Konfessing to stay Kurrent! LOL!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Kan you keep up?
So, my friend at work is talking about her boyfriend issues and a few things came across my mind.
Many times when we get into relationships (& friendships) we have all these expectations about what they should be and what they should not be. Listen people, if your significant other does not appear to conform to your way of philosophical views or if you feel the insatiable urge to constantly want to keep up, it is a HUGE possibility that the person you are with, is not for you!
Here are some "tail-tail" signs:
1. The person makes multiple inferences about a way of life that you know nothing about. Who's fault is it that you both didn't have the same walk of life? If the person seems to be making you feel bad because you're not "urban" enough or if you're too "privileged", tell them to kick rocks!
2. If your significant other always brags about things that you do not have, chuck the doggone deuces. Being with someone is not supposed to make you feel more empty or feel as though you are more at a deficit. The number one purpose in a relationship to bring joy and happiness to someone else's life. PS: this goes for friendships also. If someone is constantly trying to prove something to you that they have 9 times out of 10 they really have nothing that matters. This also brings about an unhealthy competitive energy to the kinship. If we're together, no one should compete for anything. It should be an equal level playing ground.
3. If the person you are with always has their hand stretched out but never, NEVER, never offers to help anyone else, guess what? They are a LEECH! This generation has yet to learn the true meaning of serving others. Karma really does exist. When you do for others it will come back to you, but sometimes we should have an innate ability to want to help and serve others. Now, I'm not talking about being a punk or pushover and do whatever someone asks of you, but i am suggesting that you truly assist those who are in need of something you have to offer.
4. Finally, this is one of the most important things, if the person is SO willing to change everything you suggest, then they don't know who they are and they are NOT ready to be in a relationship. one whole and one half does not look or taste good. For example, if you're baking a cake and one layer is cooked all the way and the other still has cake batter in the center, then the cake is not done and can not be edible. Same thing goes for a relationship. If you know who you are and you know what you want, why settle for someone who is not there yet. Let them wait for the next turn on the relationship wheel.
Again, I have been there and done that. I have gotten into so many relationships and have changed because of who they wanted me to be and in the mean time I lost who I was and I lost sight of what I wanted and I SETTLED for me being broken and that's how the vicious cycle starts. We sell ourselves to so many people because we crave to be apart of someone's life and experience, but take pride in yourself and learn that you have more to offer yourself than by being in a relationship where both people are trying to keep up with each other. Stop getting into relationships and try to make that person what you want, when thats NOT WHO THEY ARE!
Got me? Good...
Many times when we get into relationships (& friendships) we have all these expectations about what they should be and what they should not be. Listen people, if your significant other does not appear to conform to your way of philosophical views or if you feel the insatiable urge to constantly want to keep up, it is a HUGE possibility that the person you are with, is not for you!
Here are some "tail-tail" signs:
1. The person makes multiple inferences about a way of life that you know nothing about. Who's fault is it that you both didn't have the same walk of life? If the person seems to be making you feel bad because you're not "urban" enough or if you're too "privileged", tell them to kick rocks!
2. If your significant other always brags about things that you do not have, chuck the doggone deuces. Being with someone is not supposed to make you feel more empty or feel as though you are more at a deficit. The number one purpose in a relationship to bring joy and happiness to someone else's life. PS: this goes for friendships also. If someone is constantly trying to prove something to you that they have 9 times out of 10 they really have nothing that matters. This also brings about an unhealthy competitive energy to the kinship. If we're together, no one should compete for anything. It should be an equal level playing ground.
3. If the person you are with always has their hand stretched out but never, NEVER, never offers to help anyone else, guess what? They are a LEECH! This generation has yet to learn the true meaning of serving others. Karma really does exist. When you do for others it will come back to you, but sometimes we should have an innate ability to want to help and serve others. Now, I'm not talking about being a punk or pushover and do whatever someone asks of you, but i am suggesting that you truly assist those who are in need of something you have to offer.
4. Finally, this is one of the most important things, if the person is SO willing to change everything you suggest, then they don't know who they are and they are NOT ready to be in a relationship. one whole and one half does not look or taste good. For example, if you're baking a cake and one layer is cooked all the way and the other still has cake batter in the center, then the cake is not done and can not be edible. Same thing goes for a relationship. If you know who you are and you know what you want, why settle for someone who is not there yet. Let them wait for the next turn on the relationship wheel.
Again, I have been there and done that. I have gotten into so many relationships and have changed because of who they wanted me to be and in the mean time I lost who I was and I lost sight of what I wanted and I SETTLED for me being broken and that's how the vicious cycle starts. We sell ourselves to so many people because we crave to be apart of someone's life and experience, but take pride in yourself and learn that you have more to offer yourself than by being in a relationship where both people are trying to keep up with each other. Stop getting into relationships and try to make that person what you want, when thats NOT WHO THEY ARE!
Got me? Good...
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Keeping Up.
So, I need to make sure I do this blog thing everyday because I am growing a bit frustrated. Here's my story, throughout my college tenure I "seriously dated" two people. The first relationship was my Sophomore year. That was a bust for several reason, but FOR ME, the MAIN reason was because it became SO PUBLIC. My Junior/Senior year I became involved with someone else. The reason for this demise was because everything was too PRIVATE. Now of these two relationships I can say that I learned a wealth of knowledge about me and my relationships with others.
1. Never get in a relationship to change anyone. By the time you hit college, most people are 17 or 18. Even though they are about to journey into new life experiences, typically people are who they are. Situations change, people do not. Unless something incredibly dramatic has happened in a person's life, they are not going to change. It is not fair to us or the other person to be attracted to half a person and not the other half. Guess what? The positive attribute may not exist if the negative ones did not. Now, I am not saying that if you notice something you don't like about a person than don't give them a chance, but we have to understand that people are who they are and it is not our mission to change everyone in the world. And who's to say that what you deem to be a better change for them, is not a better change in reality?
2. Never go into a relationship unhappy & broken. If you have thought of yourself as unhappy, bitter, broken and a mess a relationship is not the place for you to be. If you read my blog before, I have been through some situations in life that caused me to break down and have emotional issues. A huge problem I noticed was I continuously attempted to mask my problems with more relationships, which brought on more stress and frustration. I then started associating the failed relationships with a "failing" mentality when in reality I was trying to create new space in the midst of broken and shattered glass. No one can you heal you but you. You have to be ready to face what happened in your past, learn from it and go on with life.
Finally 3. Recognize seasonal and lifetime folk. This does not come immediately. There will be times where you want to put seasonal people in lifetime position and you will recognize it when everything seems to be sitting on a mountain of HAVOC! Please realize and understand that it is okay to LET GO and MOVE ON! If that person is meant to be in your life I promise they will come back. This whole breaking into facebook and twitter stalking and creating status to talk about whomever is for the birds! If the other person sees that you are obsessed over them instead of being in love with them. No cute! Get it togetha!
Now I am sure many of you (well the three of you that read my blogs) are wondering how in the world do I know all of this stuff, ummm... try been there, still there, done that! I have put myself into really uncomfortable situations because I refused to listen to my instincts and follow the will of God. I have tried to do things on my own, I wish there was a blog that helped me through the many years I have suffered, but I realize that my destiny on this earth is to endure the very worse so I can help someone become their very best! There is so much that you have to offer the world, don't rob the people of the tremendous things you can offer by going through pointless and avoidable situations. Whoever is reading this, I am sure that you have something to offer. It may not be what the person sitting next to you offers, but you have to maintain your height: stand up tall, keeping looking up and keep your standards up! Don't give it! Keep going up!
to be Kontinued...
1. Never get in a relationship to change anyone. By the time you hit college, most people are 17 or 18. Even though they are about to journey into new life experiences, typically people are who they are. Situations change, people do not. Unless something incredibly dramatic has happened in a person's life, they are not going to change. It is not fair to us or the other person to be attracted to half a person and not the other half. Guess what? The positive attribute may not exist if the negative ones did not. Now, I am not saying that if you notice something you don't like about a person than don't give them a chance, but we have to understand that people are who they are and it is not our mission to change everyone in the world. And who's to say that what you deem to be a better change for them, is not a better change in reality?
2. Never go into a relationship unhappy & broken. If you have thought of yourself as unhappy, bitter, broken and a mess a relationship is not the place for you to be. If you read my blog before, I have been through some situations in life that caused me to break down and have emotional issues. A huge problem I noticed was I continuously attempted to mask my problems with more relationships, which brought on more stress and frustration. I then started associating the failed relationships with a "failing" mentality when in reality I was trying to create new space in the midst of broken and shattered glass. No one can you heal you but you. You have to be ready to face what happened in your past, learn from it and go on with life.
Finally 3. Recognize seasonal and lifetime folk. This does not come immediately. There will be times where you want to put seasonal people in lifetime position and you will recognize it when everything seems to be sitting on a mountain of HAVOC! Please realize and understand that it is okay to LET GO and MOVE ON! If that person is meant to be in your life I promise they will come back. This whole breaking into facebook and twitter stalking and creating status to talk about whomever is for the birds! If the other person sees that you are obsessed over them instead of being in love with them. No cute! Get it togetha!
Now I am sure many of you (well the three of you that read my blogs) are wondering how in the world do I know all of this stuff, ummm... try been there, still there, done that! I have put myself into really uncomfortable situations because I refused to listen to my instincts and follow the will of God. I have tried to do things on my own, I wish there was a blog that helped me through the many years I have suffered, but I realize that my destiny on this earth is to endure the very worse so I can help someone become their very best! There is so much that you have to offer the world, don't rob the people of the tremendous things you can offer by going through pointless and avoidable situations. Whoever is reading this, I am sure that you have something to offer. It may not be what the person sitting next to you offers, but you have to maintain your height: stand up tall, keeping looking up and keep your standards up! Don't give it! Keep going up!
to be Kontinued...
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)