So today I watched a video about a man who cheated on his wife. In the end she contracted HIV/AIDS and eventually died. I just want to talk about this topic for a moment because I think this is an epidemic that has invaded our country at an all time high. Now this is not one of those "men are the bomb.com and all women worship men" nor is this an "I hate men" bash, it is just me giving out the observations I have had for the past several years (and by several I mean 24 years). DISCLAIMER: I recognize and accept that women cheat. I recognize that not all men cheat, HOWEVER research shows that men are 12 times more likely to cheat than women, and I am a woman and this is my blog and I have the right to my opinions.
I think that men have somehow misconstrued perception of what it means to be committed and to love one person. While this topic is just something that seems to be so common, it is almost as though people gave begun accepting this as a way of life and that's just the "typical" journey of a young woman which I believe to be 100% ridiculous.
Here is my idea as to why men cheat:
1. Some men are incapable of effective communication. Communication is the pillar of all things efficient. Whether communication was not stressed in the home during early development, communication ultimately effects everyone a great deal! I believe that some men grow bored in their relationships and therefore want to try different options, which is completely acceptable, however they do not want to hurt their partner so instead of communicating their discomfort, they decided to try different people while still committed to someone else.
2. Some men enjoy the power of having multiple relationships. In many instances power has been taken from them in a way of domestic or relational abuse. Having multiple partners create the illusion that they are capability. While that seems simple it is a very complex idea.
3. Some men have an awesome ability and awesome personality to create friendships that begin to bleed into what can be deemed as a relationship. Well, what does it take to clearly define a relationship, COMMUNICATION, which trickles back to point #1.
4. Some men have observed broken relationships and become nervous about commitment. They see it as a trap and they get in a predicament where they want to have "one foot in and one foot out" or in other words "straddle the fence". They are always looking for greener grass and are always in pursuit of something better.
Let me say this: while I understand that many of those reasons can hold some moments of validity I also recognize that their behavior does not excuse the abuse and maltreatment of others because of their inadequacies. Many women have carried the brunt of men's frustration, anger, and insecurities for far too long and I am completely over it. Not only do women deal with these issues, on top of that there are men who have the audacity to disrespect the love, honor, respect, long suffering, patience and authenticity that their women give on a regular basis.
While some men argue to say that women do just as much as men, I feel as though that is the biggest cop-out one could ever do. Do you not realize from the creation of Man, God created you to be the leader of your household. Now, for those of you who are Bible believers and call yourselves Christians, I want us to jig over to the Word of God to analyze my opinion in another perspective. Adam and Eve. Even though Eve encouraged Adam to eat the apple, damnation did not reside over human beings until Adam ate the apple because God gave the power to the man. God created man to be a trend setter and when Adam decided to sin against God, Adam set the trend for generations to come to sin against God. So do not try to tell me that women are just AS responsible as men until women can get the same kind treatment as men. Furthermore, do not try to tell men what women do until women can get the same kind of jobs that men can. DO NOT try to tell me women are just AS responsible until men are granted custody in over 74% of child cases. DO NOT try to tell me women are just AS responsible, because they, we, are NOT just AS responsible. It is clear that the hierarchy of man's presence is far dominant over women. So, one may want to think twice when considering the perspective that women do JUST AS much as men, when it is clear that men are quite powerful.
I accept that women are a broken, torn, bruised and burned culture of human beings. We are desecrated in foreign lands, we are ignored in our country but its even more painful to be mentally, physically and emotionally raped in our homes, minds, and relationships. We are treated as though we are recyclable and I refuse to continue to take it. Why is it that the more I teach and counsel, the more I recognize that girls are looking for validation from all boys and I find myself telling those students, "it's just a part of our history as women..." Why is that?
I'll tell you: Real Housewives of Atlanta, Basketball Wives, Love and Hip Hop, Love and Hip Hop Atlanta...oh, and a little thing we call parental negligence. I am not blaming Mona Scott Young, Shaunie O'Neal or the Producers at Bravo however, women, we have got to stop portraying ourselves as sex symbols, bitches, prudes, unhappy, doormats, and above all BREEDERS. We have got to start advocating for ourselves to be strong, independent, self-sufficient and most of all purposeful. This is in no way, shape, or form a call for women to start running out trying to be the Commissioner of the NBA (which I wouldn't mind a new one) nor am I saying find your purpose by being a surrogate mother to the USofA all I am saying is find your voice and find your purpose and stop being defined by the shenanigans of men, who do not value you!
None of us wants to purchase damaged goods from anywhere, not from Whole Foods all the way to Yves Saint Laurent, so why do we accept it in our relationships? And the worse part of this whole epidemic is that in the midst of our stuff we then create new lives, when we are fully aware that we are not capable of effectively running our own lives. Something has to give. While I want to blame everything on the man, at some point we have to be willing to accept that we are in control. You are in control. Stop being the victim! You are strong! You are created for a purpose! Someone else needs you!
Oh and for the cheaters who happen to read this: polygamy is accepted in some parts of world. Find those places and live that life. YOLO.
Be strong.
Erica.
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