During my college years I was not one of the most "attractive" girls but I had a pretty clear head on my shoulders. I got involved in a wonderful relationship my Sophomore year. He and I were such good friends that being in a relationship with him was almost surreal at times. Because I still had some emotional issues that I had to deal with, I was not ready to accept this kind of relationship in which stirred some controversy with a few people and our relationship was severed. After this relationship I decided to "go back out into the sea". This is such a lame phrase for me to use but it's for lack of better words. I noticed this really cute guy with dimples. We hung out a few times. Things were okay, but long story short, there was never any real sense of commitment. During this time I surveyed many of my sorority sisters and friends and it was the same thing. They were "talking" to guys at school but none of us were in a committed relationship. Now I must say that the university in which I intended was a relatively small, rural Historically Black University. Yes there were way more women than there were men. However, the question that I ran away from was "Why are these black men afraid of commitment?" the question I then replaced it with was "What's wrong with me? Why am I not worthy of commitment?"
Shortly after graduating I moved back to Richmond, where I came to VCU for graduate school. I notices so many relationships between young people. Well because I had become accustomed to sexually based relationships without commitment in undergrad I thought this was the same case here. As I begin to poll many of the young people that I would encounter here, I realized "wow" there are so many 18 and 19 year old virgins, or "wow, these people have been together for three years, during college? wow, that must have been boring" and many of them responded positively and said that it has been an incredible experience because many of them share the mutual friends and hobbies. Well this is weird! So what happens if you break up? And the mind blowing response was "we'll just deal with it!"
This led me to several conclusions I have noticed. This has nothing to do with quantitative or qualitative research, just my experience:
1. The Black community has never been appreciated and accepted by society, therefore, we are always in need of making ourselves seem bigger and better. How do we do that? Look for the cheapest and easiest thing to do. Look the part but not fix ourselves from the inside out.
2. Black men are always making excuses as to why they can't commit. Do you know that we all have been through worse things? Men you are a commodity. The world is waiting for you to take your place.
3. Black women are some of the most loyal women you could ever hope for. I can almost guarantee that Jada and Paula (Denzel's wife) have seen some out of control situations but the public has never been privy to it because they hold things down.
4. Black women must start promoting themselves in a way in which they demand respect. Going out acting like a monkey all day everyday is not needed. I am not saying do not be yourself but take the time to be a lady every now and again. It won't kill you!
5. Seek the Kingdom of God. Many of us assume that we have to already be perfect when we seek the consultation of Christ, but he will meet us where we are! He will find the way to get what he needs to say to us! He already knows everything so just talk to him so he can make you into what you both see fit!
6. Black people! Start INVESTING! Whether it be in relationships, property, education, hobbies or talents. Take time to perfect that which concerns you. You can not live the rest of your life in its entirety renting, or borrowing or envying! At some point you have to be committed to the investments you make! They will profit you much! Plant the seed! Watch it grow!!
That's all folk!
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