I have faced quite a few issues in the past few years regarding my opinions and my attitudes toward certain things, and I had to address it because I know some of you may be experiencing the same kind of dilemma.
Okay, so the long story short is, I have always had a philosophy of not sucking up or kissing butt. I have always maintained an identiy of being a women full of integrity (and sometimes pride). I have always looked at sucking up as a willingness to compromise and demean who I am as a person to make some power hungry person feel better about me being compliant while others look at it as a tool to get ahead.
Some of you may be able to tell (via my blog or tweets) that I am a pretty outspoken young lady. I have tons of opinions and many times I think I am right. Unless there is another party who is willing to debate with me, more than likely my opnion will be heard and appreciated OR ELSE... :). My mother is a very intelligent and verbal woman (who has a Master's in Social Work) and my oldest sister is in law school at GW. Obviously "passionate conversation" have happened between the three of us. Not to mention, I come from a family of STRONG WOMEN so it's almost in my genes to be outspoken. It frustrates me when my outspokeness gets misconstrude with agressiveness or anger. Typically if I am going on and on about a specific topic I am just incredibly passionate about that subject matter. It does not mean that I will be angry afterward or hold some silly grudge. I just want the satisfaction that someone is listening to me and can hold their own opinion. Now my mother has always said "it's not what you say, it's how you say it". With this being said, I have become very cognizant of HOW I speak my mind nowadays.
Many may look at my attitude as being defiant, but so be it. In my college years and now in graduate school and in the "working world" I have encountered some situations that ask me and sometimes require me to "suck up" or save my face. In other words there has been multiple times in which I have been advised not to speak my mind or not to be genuine but rather kiss butt to save my own... yeah this I DO NOT AGREE WITH!
Any professor, employer, friend or other who asks you to compromise what you believe in order to maintain "social order" is completely ridonkulous to me! Sure, somethings just are the way they are and probably will never change, but for those people to go out of their way to shut the mouths of those who so desperately just want to be heard is completely stupid to me. For example, I have had students to suggest us to have class in a specific way. Now I could just say no or shut them up because I want to be in control all the time, but instead I listen to them and actually take their suggestion into consideration. I want them to know that I value their opinion, their critical thinking and their willingness to problem solve. I feel as though this something that all professionals should consider.
Now the "don't burn your bridges" crap is annoying as well. Anyone who is someone will help those in need, whether they have done you wrong or not, however there are some people who do not have this mentality. What should one do?
1. Approach all situations with respect. People can never TRULY harbor ill feelings for those that are respectful. Even if it's a situation in which you need to get out of, leave quietly and as non-confrontational as possible.
2. Learn to let go of people and situations in which you cannot change. When people reach a certain portion of their life, they will stop learning and stop growing. There is NOTHING we can do for these people other than pray for them. My advisor told me "once people stop learning, they have become permanently ignorant." DO NOT stoop to these people's levels and harbor ill feelings toward them. They are who they are, but don't let it stop you from being you and growing into who you know you can become.
3. Your gifts will always make room for you so remain faithful and positive. Often times I suggest for people to stay in situation until you find the next best thing. If the situation is toxic to your well-being by all means LEAVE, but if you can stand it for a more days, weeks or even months stay until you have something else lined up. Faithfulness is another attribute that people can not look down on!
4. Don't allow the poison others have fed you to poison others. Remember how you felt when you were put into a negative situation. DO NOT make others feel that way! Empower those around you. Whether it's telling someone thank you or holding the door or even asking someone how they are doing, be kind! One thing I am sure of is, you reap what you sow! When you treat people right, crazy favor will find your address and shower you with the favor, grace and mercy you rightfully sowed.
5. Be AUTHENTIC to you! So do you realize that there is ONLY one you? You were made in the likeness of God and NO ONE ELSE! Don't be afraid to be you! Take risks for your passion! Find what makes you happy and relentlessly go after it. It is waiting for you to ascertain it! You have to find joy in the midst of heartache. You have to find zeal in the midst of the most abhoring situations! You have put your best foot forward and BELIEVE things will work out.
I am not just writing this for you guys, I am totally writing this to convince myself. Life is too short to live it under the shadow of someone's pretend shadow! We were already delivered from the hands of the Pharisees let's not go back!
So my question to you is Kiss BUTT or Kross Bridges?
Be ready. Be strong.
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